Society

I hate society.
I'm not able to socialize.
I don't want to. People are too... woah. Too many negative adjectives to explain what people are.
Apart from the fact that I kind of think that I'm not good enough to be around them. Something like that.
And another sad thing?
From all the friends I have, there's only 1 person whom I don't feel shy doing a 1-to-1-conversation.
But, these last days I've noticed that we're not the same anymore, and I doubt we'll soon be again.
I had 2 other friends like that, [not shy when alone] but I don't see them a lot, so I end up feeling shy around them too when I see them. Plus that I can't trust 1 of them either.
I have a lot of those "Hi. Ok? Bye." friends, though lately I just smile at them cause most people are getting blah.
People are so complicated. They lie. Cheat.
That's too much for me.
I feel so lonely with no friends.
I trying being independent and mature, but I'm too sensitive for that, though I'm working for that too.
And another sad thing?
Whenever that 1 person doesn't go out, I usually don't either, cause when I do, no one really talks to me. Everyone's busy talking to their partner or their other friends. And I just walk alone, with my mobile pretending that I'm writing a message or something so that I don't look so weird.
Sometimes I sit there, noticing how people act, talk and the looks they make, and I wonder "Who are they? Were they always this difficult to understand? And so stiff? And everything?"

2 years ago, I fought with the best friend I had.
That stuck up blonde that thought she was so perfect because she was tall, yellow hair and big huge boobs.
She once told me that guys go out with me cause I have a nice character. And guess why they go out with her? Yes. Because she's pretty. That's what she said.
So yes, I had to fight with her cause she was breaking to pieces the little self-esteem I had left.
I think it's the bravest thing I've done in my entire life. Fighting with her I mean.
I had no other friends, cause I didn't want to like cheat on her.
So I ended up at home all summer.
And I swore that I would socialize more, so I would never end up like that again.
But, maybe the problem is that I'm growing wiser.
I can't trust anyone. NO ONE.
People don't have good intentions.
I don't know if I want too much from people or I just want what's mine.

I'm done.
I wasted a blog to write about something stupid.